Falling off my Bicycle

Has it happened to you?

You've been enjoying a bike ride for quite awhile and you're in the groove. You hit a bump in the road, maybe get distracted by something along the way, you swerve, and - Bam! You're wiping the gravel with your body.

Trying to get upright as quickly as you can, you raise your woozy head, start brushing the grit away, and start to think about whether you'd like to give that 'ol bicycle another try.

The object and activity now seem perilous.

And then you hear your mother's voice, " You get right back up on that bicycle, honey.  Everybody falls, but not everybody learns to get back on the saddle and ride again.  Take courage dear one - you'll be okay!"

If writing is like bike riding, I'm trying to get back at it.

Metaphorically, I've fallen off my bike in a myriad of ways this summer.  I've already alluded to the necessity of attending to family life and relationships, and that takes an astonishing amount of extra energy and time.

But, there's been other things- not bad things- that have made the ride adventuresome and found me wiping dirt out of my knees more than once.

Double the size of your garden, praise the Lord for plenteous rain, plant row upon row, and Voila! you've tripled your work in the sun and soil, but also in the kitchen.

Partner with your Weekend Farmer Hubby in installing a new range, car repairs, emergency electric fence interventions, chasing cows back home,  a professional day job, raising and processing hundreds of chickens, fundamentally preparing to change how you've home educated, and by the time an amber sunset spills itself over the pastures, you're beyond tired and can think only of bed and the restoration of sleep. I couldn't write a sentence if I tried.

Fun things like mini weekend vacations, a standing Thursday playday at the lake, 's'mores night on Wednesday, campouts in the yard that turn into extended sleepovers, outdoor swimming lessons - you know, the things that can only happen in summer - have been filling our days.

Add in driver's training, full time work for the oldest farm boys, races to spectate, mission trips to pray for, "mom, I hope it's ok, but I've made a plan for..." somewhat regularly from the teens/young adult offspring.  Gah!

And, this one's "my fault" - I'm enjoying the creativity, community, and inspiration from Instagram. It's easy to spend five minutes here, two minutes there...it adds up.

In the end, my brain is spinning, not my wheels.
And I can't keep upright.

So, what do I say to all this, dear friends?  What is your counsel to me as a writer? As a friend on this same journey?

I think I know.
Whenever I can, and for however long I can, dust this keyboard off, and ride. Uhm. Write.
It's not just for writers, correct?  It's for all of us who endeavor to do the next thing, try something big, cultivate new skills, or seize opportunities.

Just like those of you who've ever enjoyed a bike ride, when the time is right, you'll pick up where you left off, it'll all come back, and although the risk of falling is always present, you'll spend more time on the road than in the gravel.

Me too.

Ride on.

xoxo,
Laura

It's all so Daily

Long before her art and style became internationally recognized and quickly popular, I had collected a few prints of Mary Engelbreit's work. Her lively, whimsical, and color saturated style has always been appealing to me and when combined with my first love, words, the draw remains irresistible.

Many moons ago she released a calendar with the title, "Life is just so Daily".  True Dat.

Image found here.

I may or may not appear to be and actually function in a less frazzled manner than the image suggests, but nonetheless, this picture and these words resonate!

Continual adjustment to this season of two adult, two teen, one elementary, and one preschool age offspring in our home challenges me to my outer limits.  But, please, oh please, do not hear that as negative.  It is a JOY to share these days with them.  

Family life, farm life, professional life - all of these currents ride like rapids and the thrill factor is high.  As you might imagine, life as a constant white water ride requires all our attention.

Fortunately, in all this "dailiness" it's easy to snap photos along the way.

Confession - I haven't taken pictures of the messy barn, the boys laundry pile teetering over six feet high in the corner of their bedroom (so not kidding), the overflowing kitchen sink, or the stinky pile of shoes right inside the back door.

You all know about that stuff, right?

I wouldn't withhold it from you if you really want to see it.  I am never ashamed or wishing to hide the impact of our daily life.

But, we do get to choose what we think about, yes?

I have a tendency toward the negative.  I'm critical.  I am too quick to judge.

And I miss beautiful messes.

When I miss the beautiful mess, I miss all the other kinds of beauty.

The camera keeps me connected, and helps me to see tiny but real slices of our life and the breathtaking beauty of an abundant life.

Join in, won't you?  Savor the light.  Drink deep of the colors.  Remember these sweet fleeting days, and let the images cultivate gratitude for the beauty of the earth, the glory of the skies, the undeserved gifts of relationship, and the grace upon grace that persists at Liberty Farm.

xoxo,

Laura

Pssst- might you like to follow along on Instagram? It's a fun easy way to stay connected in all this dailiness!

Surprised by Love

I wasn't fixin' to fall in love.

In fact, I was already in a committed relationship.

We'd been together for almost six years and had finally arrived at that place where, having worked through lots of our stuff, we were really getting along.

Not only were we comfortable, we understood each other, we served each other well, and we complimented each other.

There was plenty of grace for each other's quirks and neither of us demanded too much of the other.
We worked well together, played together even better, and had learned how to offer each other rest.
Of all the relationships I'd had, this one was the best.

I was pretty sure we would be together for the rest of our lives.

And then, Weekend Farmer Husband said, "It's time."

Time for what?

Time to get out of what I had thought was a long term relationship and establish a new one.

Unlike the previous relationships I'd sought, this time I had very few requirements.

I was looking for something that wouldn't cost too much, couldn't be long distance, and wouldn't for a time be too jealous that it was going to take awhile to disentangle from the relationship I was already in.

Probably something that needed a rescue.
I could anticipate years of quirks that might remain unresolved, either unresponsive to whatever fixes I  might offer or too costly to engage.
And, unlike ever before, this time I was faced with physical undesirability- bad smells, over all unsightliness - I was looking for something the world would not esteem.

It wasn't love at first sight.
As anticipated, the smells were overwhelming and the ugly I encountered was daunting.
Although initially "affordable", this relationship was going to require a whole lot of fixin'- time, money, patience, and sacrifice.
And, for me, perhaps the most frightening was the requirement to quite literally move into a region and a lifestyle that I'd never aspired to.
Not only was I going to have to physically, mentally, and creatively labor to nurture and grow this new relationship, I was going to have to make unanticipated heart sacrifices of hopes for a kind of future that had no place where I was headed.

I gave up finished.
I gave up spacious.
I gave up comforts.
I gave up perks.
I gave up (to some degree) perceived status.


And I gained the world.
Not the "worldly" kind of world, but the expansive, beautiful, giving, life nurturing kind of world that one encounters in the creation account of scriptures.
I found my place.
The kind of world that leads to being "emplaced" - understanding that where you are and what you're doing in that place has a profoundly deep significance not only to you, but to those you serve and the generations to come.

A place of wide open sky, waving grass, gentle dawn, and passionate sunset.
Seasons bless my heart and mind and I experience exhilaration as nature declares its intent and I rejoice in mud, blistering heat, dancing leaves, and wave after wave of lake effect snow.
Formerly indifferent to animals, (at best), I've been enlarged by creatures of the air that traverse our fields, make their homes in rotted fence posts, and chirp into the calm or cry alarm to the winds. Beasts of the field have become a thing of beauty and I'm astonished at their intelligence, charm, and at the end their sacrifice.  Symbiotic relationship abounds and now separated from the commitments of subdivision, street lamps, and sidewalks I see how I need the earth and it needs me to steward, bless, and as long as God tarries, preserve it.

I understand that I'm in love in a way I've never experienced before.
It was so uncertain at first and so hard to trust.
How could this possibly work out?
It was going to be so hard, and although on the outside I appeared confident and committed, I doubted myself.

But, I entered into the brokenness and the need.
I embraced the imperfection.
I forgave the ongoing quirks, and I still do.
Smells notwithstanding, I overlooked the ugly and sought the beauty that I knew lay underneath years of bad choices, neglect, and being overlooked.
In short, understanding that I would be taking on a multitude of shortcomings, limitations, and enduring marks of the past, I decided to love and redeem.

I wasn't setting out to be a savior.
And, since I had no glorified sense of self, I suspect that I've been more open to seeing the parallels to my own salvation.
As I (we) sacrifice ourselves over and over again for this new life I am overcome with gratitude for Christ who at once through His perfect life, ministry, death, and resurrection redeemed my broken life.
He, because of His unending grace, covers over my bad smells, is merciful about choices I've made, and with gentle strength requires that I yield to him and His perfect design for this life and eternity.
I, who was once dead in my sins, have been given new life.
The old has passed away and the new has come.

As we seemingly lay down our lives again and again to raise our family well, and to establish and preserve this "emplaced" vision I am generously and gently reminded of how my broken life has been made beautiful by the love of a perfect Savior.

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us."
I John 3:16a

I'm thrilled to be linking up over at life{in}grace where Edie has cultivated a thoughtful, generous, and loving community to share in:

Reading: Making Time On Purpose

I think I've read Edie's blog since the beginning of time.  Well, at least for five years. And I don't remember her ever initiating a linky event. She's been hospitable, welcoming, winsome, wordy, and downright awesome in all kinds of other ways, but a link up?  Hmmmm. Don't remember one.

Before now that is.

So, I interrupt my early attempts at another topical series to jump in and join in over at life{in}grace.  If you've put all kinds of effort into planning a party, sent out invites, and gotten your space ready, you want people to come, right?

Let's just love on her and her blog, go visiting and hear what others have to say about:

We've been invited to share our insights on the broad subject of time.  That's pretty much it.  So, I got to thinkin'...


If stranded on a tropical island for any length of time I'm pretty sure I'd hope I'd thought ahead enough to bring my dutch oven, a pillow, a huge supply of lip balm, my colored pens, and books, books, books, books.  Maybe some more books.

(Right. How am I gonna explain that to Weekend Farmer Husband - fortunately we can all put our minds to rest since in this make believe world he's stranded with me and taking excellent care of everything we need.)

I cannot think of anything that has influenced me more profoundly than the printed word. Really.

Some of you will be surprised. You might have guessed key relationships or even people in general  because to know me in real life is to experience what some have called "intense".  You see, when I'm with you I am totally into you.  I fall in love with you right away, and over time enjoy you more and more, moving from initial phases of infatuation through to (if life together permits), enduring relationship.

And yes, loving you changes me immensely. Forever.

 But not as much books, articles, blog posts, journals, and the scriptures.

Because when I'm full up on you and the wonder of relationship together, I curl up with pages cupped between my hands, and begin to see you , the world, God, myself all over again with help from the heart and mind of another and the words they offer.

What lies on the page for my eyes to scoop up are bits of wisdom, hope, suffering, sweat, ecstasy, longing, denial, fulfillment, history, philsophy, and in the end, whoever the author was or is, they've given over a piece of themselves for me.

It's not always well written.  It's not always true.  And, it's not always good.

But, it's all come a great price so that I might someplace in time and space drink full up on art that another has poured out.

January is a time for rest at Liberty Farm. And I read as well as plan my reading.  It's a commitment, actually, since there's so much to do.  I get up earlier and earlier, stay productive later and later into the day, and seem to get less and less done.  So, you can see why I must choose to read.  Even though reading might seem as natural as breathing, it doesn't happen that way.

We complete the last of our customer orders in December, rush headlong into Christmas,and then crawl into the New Year eager to rest and regroup.

There's not a frenzy of resolving, organizing, planning, reinventing, or any number of what seem to be "typical" January pursuits.

In the quiet and lack of agrarian activity there's lots of books.

So, for all the bookworms out there, and for Edie's bazillions of readers (one of whom may click over here), here's what's on the shelf and in the Amazon save for later list.

First - a long time hope of mine has been fulfilled by participating in the Read Well Live Well Online Book Club.  My nerdy self gets all a quiver when it's time to read about and discuss the most recent selection.  I get all kinds of dorky and stay up way to late shoving my glasses back up on my face to keep pressing on with these hefty works. I still can't believe that other people get all excited about old books.  Ahhh, bosom friends.

Click on the button on the sidebar if you want to get all bookish with me and a bunch of awesome readers, or just click here if you want to see the book list.

For home school maintenance, direction, and accountability I've got a copy of Susan Wise Bauer's, The Well Trained Mind permanently on my desk for ready, regular, and easy reference.

Wendell Berry doesn't know it, but I've got a full blown crush on him.  I can't read or reread enough of his material.  The short list includes a reread of Hannah Coulter, a first read through The Unsettling of America: Culture and Agriculture, and a short one Fidelity: Five Stories.

There's no shortage of necessary skills on this fast paced farm stead.  Our family culture is to a fault DIY, so the shelves contain their fair share of how to books.  I'm thumbing my way through The Winter Harvest Handbook by Eliot Coleman in the hopes that we'll be able to adopt some of his models for our growing practices.  It alternately terrifies and inspires me.

I've read it once, but I'm gonna give it another go.  Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon has been helpful in changing a number of our family practices in relationship to food, health, and nutrition.  I'll be reading through again with first born farmgirl.

I'm pretty excited about these:
Food and Faith: A Theology of Eating 
Norman Wirzba
Where Mortals Dwell: A Christian View of Place for Today
Craig Bartholomew
Living into Focus: Choosing What Matters in an Age of Distractions
Arthur Boers

For family read aloud devotions we're just finishing up Big Truths for Young Hearts: Teaching and Learning the Greatness of God by Bruce Ware.  Oh. My. Word.  Outstanding.  Next up is Training Hearts, Teaching Minds: Family Devotions Based on the Shorter Catechism by Starr Mead.  Hearts are soft and minds are open.  The read aloud spiritual training and discipleship home educating affords in the middle of our school day is so precious.

I'm usually a little fiction poor.  So many friends and good reads online type groups have spoken so highly of Francine Rivers, Redeeming Love.  Tell me, will I wish I'd bought it if I get it from the library?  It's coming to me inter library loan.

Truth be told, I'll read most if not all I've listed, and still max out my library card every two weeks.  Some I'll skim.  Most I'll read word for word.

And when I read, I'll think of you, those I love the dearest, and those I hope to come to know.
I'll learn about myself, the world, the times past and the time we live in.
Art will undo me and pieces of another will fly into my heart to stay lodged, embedded, and continually change me.

Think of me in the mornings, yes?
Fingers curled around coffee cup, first the Holy Scriptures counsel my day, and I hide those words in my heart at the beginning if I'm living well.
Then, until the last drop is gone, it doesn't matter how many children or animals are swarming around, I read until the bottom of my cup.

I do it on purpose.

31 Days to Green Acres - Day 20

Welcome!  This post is one of a 31 Days series.  To read other related posts,  please click here.

Initially we planned to repair the section of roof I showed you yesterday, replace floor coverings, add heat and cool to the second story, put hanging bars in the old weird closets, frame and build a wall between what was to become the boys and the girls rooms, and freshen paint throughout the home.

That's all.

I'm not trying to be the master of understatement. We felt that the above list was manageable given our time and resources.

The horrible, smelly, organic nature of mildew and mold would be addressed by accomplishing the above and we didn't want to get stuck having to move quickly and find ourselves in a massive push to move while still finishing up the farmhouse.

We didn't know what we didn't know.

In spite of multiple showings each week on the city house, we went ten months without a single potential buyer indicating they were even keeping us on their short list.

And, every time we set foot in the old farmhouse we thought of some other cool thing to try to build or fix.

Before we knew it, quite spontaneously mind you, we had demoed the entire house - except the kitchen.

I'm so grateful in hindsight that's how it worked out.

Time was again our friend and so we just kept making improvements and learning new skills.

The youngsters stayed in town with me so as not to disrupt nap schedules etc. and the older kids established a routine of getting their schoolwork done, scooting on out to the farm, meeting their dad after his work day, getting some projects done, and then doing it all over again.

And by consistently keeping our shoulder to the wheel, each of us doing our part, (here's where you think I'm gonna say something positive, right?), it got a lot worse before it got better.

Wait until you see.

Thank you Nester for hosting the 31 Days blogging event.  If you'd like to check in on 1200+ other bloggers who joined in, click here.

31 Days of Green Acres - Day 16

Welcome! Thanks for stopping by.  This post is part of a 31 Day series.  To find the other entries, click  here.

Closing on a foreclosed home ended up being one of the easiest parts of this whole journey.

There were virtually no glitches, negotiations, and in the end no troubles or surprises.

And for a few short weeks, aside from ongoing showings at the city house, all was quiet and we enjoyed the naive rest that precedes a whole house demolition, rebuild, and surprise love affair with a lifestyle that we never intended.

We planned, we dreamed, we waited.

And on November 13, 2009 we bought the farm.

Kind of a package deal, we bought the standing water in the house, the urine soaked carpet, the breathtakingly ugly woodwork and trim, the mold and mildew, and the gaping holes in the roof as well.

If that sounds bad to you, multiply it by...maybe a million?

In fact, it was so bad when a family member who we love and trust very much toured our dream home (before we closed),  for the first time, she called her husband and asked him to stop us - from what she saw (and to be fair it was a horror show), we were in way over our heads.

Lucky for you the pictures can only tell part of the story.

Our noses will never forget the rest.

Thank you Nester for hosting the 31 Days blogapalooza.  Find out what other bloggers are saying here.

On Just Getting Started

Each year I wrongly imagine that I'm going to be "ready".

All the supplies will be sorted, purchased if necessary, labeled, and systematically placed in obvious (to me) order.

I'll have a library list captured on an excel spreadsheet and will know which books I'll need to get through inter library loan and which is available at my local branch.

Shelves will be orderly, activities planned, fun days on the docket, and when I stretch this dream a little farther, even my laundry is all caught up!

Then I wake up.

In spite of steady work in preparation for our home educating year I'm not "all done".  In fact, I may be even more behind than I would consider typical because we are rebuilding a room in this restoration farmhouse of ours to better serve our purposes.  And, you can imagine can't you, what that means to a family of our size spending our days on a main floor with perhaps 800 square feet.  We're cozy and chaos from reworking a room spills.

Farm work doesn't make a space for school to start.  School starts as companion to animals, land, buildings, and chores.  You wonder, do they meld?  Yes.  Grateful.

Order, preparedness, planning, making ready are all good practices.  And, in spite of my real life friends identifying me through my self deprecating jokes about the chaos of our life and how it's easier to just go with the flow than hold back the tide of our creative, energetic, ADHD driven life, I pull more than my weight in these administrative departments.

And, since I can't command lunar cycles, I just dive right in.  The room will get renovated.  The shelves probably won't get dusted.  Books, atlases, writing implements, instructional CD's, will froth, crest, and spill over on the shore of dining room table, desks, and floors.  An excel spread sheet won't get created.  Library cards will easily max out their circulation limit.  Learning won't be neglected and we will be blessed for dedicating ourselves to each day just doing what we must.

Today we began again.  Math, handwriting, history, and more returned to set the warp and woof of our day. And because we were willing to just get started we received the grace of a new beginning.

Chronicling gifts continues:
Weekend Farmer Husband is at an interview while I write.  Friends, family, and many saints praying for wisdom and provision for our family.

First born son bravely, winsomely, and lovingly exhorting us with the Word.

How can it be - second born son matriculating at community college tomorrow.  He's ready.

The joy of preschool again, and for a final time.  

Books, books, books - rejoicing in reading.

Good news from my dad last time we spoke on the phone - he went sailing!

Thank you Lord - a light rain this morning.  Pastures kept green by your hand alone.

Internet making connection with friends and family easy.

A restful Labor Day.

Blessed by community.

Confident hands of a chiropractor.

What? We ate the last of our ground beef from last year's cow - we have been given abundant food.

A personal message from another blogger I deeply admire that encourages and affirms.

Enduring health and safety - as we have no medical insurance I am being challenged to reject security as an idol and to faithfully practice my understanding of God's goodness in preserving our days and blessing us physically.

Flaky biscuits and amber honey for afternoon snack.

Hens laying more and more eggs - creeping up to peak production for a few months before daylight shortens.

Refreshing local farmer's markets.

A busy week ahead of fellowship and hospitality.  

And, above all, Christ - my High King and Faithful Savior.  All for Him...

Delighting in Green

Like many of your regions, Liberty Farm and our area has been beset by drought.

Last week we had a little bit of rain.

It was transformational!

The parched, crunchy, and brown landscape seemed to sing its return to green.

Vegetable and flower gardens that were barely staying alive with almost daily watering, sprang forth to declare their God designed glory.

Fruit, earlier devastated by cold and now crippled by heat and thirst, bursts forth and its heady fragrance embraces us when we walk in the door.

Cloudless skies released their stronghold and sunsets set fire to the night once again.

Rain falls and begins to heal the earth and sooth our souls as we recognize yet another of God's provisions for us in this season of life - He is helping to preserve our harvest and our livestock.


A phone call brings some financial relief.


Friends offer tools for Weekend Farmer Husband's use.


Clarity for Weekend Farmer Husband and the good faith of sons as he seeks to launch his own business.


Cool nights and dewy mornings.


Learning together - watching DVD's about farming, food, entrepreneurship with the four oldest of our bunch and fortifying our efforts with greater understanding.


Sticky counters, messy sink, colorful glass jars lined up on the counter filled to the brim with jams, salsas, relishes, and fruits.


Beautiful zinnias - be still my heart!


Kids continue to cuddle with kittens.  So glad this has yet to grow old...


Swimming lessons - a delight to the little girls.


Delightful summer read aloud time - morning chores done, coolness still upon us, gathered together.